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The Top 5 super powers for pulling off a bank heist

Words: Jason Wolf

It’s all well and good to use superpowers for to save the world, but the real fun starts when they’re used for evil

Our cinematic superheroes hold themselves to a high standard for do-gooding, but who hasn’t wondered which of those super powers is best suited for personal gain?

Ocean’s Eleven assembled a crack team of criminals with unique skills to execute a masterful heist, but imagine if their gang had super speed instead of Brad Pitt’s super fashion sense. 

These are the top five super powers for robbing a bank. It turns out it’s not as easy as it seems, super powers or not.

5. Shapeshifting

Think invisibility would help skirt security? ‘Cause pretty sure it’d become apparent to even the slowest guard that somebody is trying to rob them when they see stacks of cash floating toward the exit. The superior way to go undetected is to actually become the visage of a bank employee. And the best person to shape-shift into would be the bank manager, because they have all access privileges. Use that clearance to go into the vault and then make an inconspicuous exit. The snags? Sure, there are two possible ones. One, if a bank employee drums up a conversation and asks questions that you don’t have the answer to. And two, if the vault requires a special combination that you never received.

4. Teleportation

© Fox Home Entertainment / YouTube 

Handle this bank heist with aplomb by simply transmitting yourself in and out of the bank vault. The sole meddling hiccup is the catch that you have to actually see your destination in order to properly teleport. Conjuring yourself inside of a bank vault isn’t possible if you can’t actually see inside it.

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3. Super speed

© PrisonJokerXF / YouTube

Stake out the bank, wait until that vault door swings open, and then zap! Sure, this special skill requires patience and timing, but it comes with a big value in knowing that your getaway is assured. The authorities couldn’t catch up to you if they tried.

2. Telekinesis

© Apocalypse X / YouTube

For the bold marauders willing to wreak havoc, telekinesis is a solid option. Having the ability to mentally manipulate objects could mean tossing the guards out the window, pummelling through the vault, grabbing the cash and simply charging out the door. Style points to those who use their gift of object-manipulation to literally fly off with the cash. Telekinesis does come with some vulnerabilities, though, like susceptibility to eye-witness accounts, forensic criminology, and you’ll have to be careful your path of destruction doesn’t leave a trail of breadcrumbs that leads the cops straight to your whereabouts.

1. Telepathy 

© Apocalypse X / YouTube

One hundred percent, using psychic powers to command those around you would be the absolute best way to rob a bank. Cajole the bank staff into coughing up the bank combination and then persuade the customers and guards to forget they ever saw you. Heck, convince them to help you lug the mounds of coinage into your getaway car if you want. It’s non-violent, requires no planning, and is so carefree that you can rob this bank with a brisk stroll. An itchy ski-mask is the only thing you’ll need handy; in case you’re worried about security cameras.

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