will ferrell, comedian, funny, movie

10 of the best movie insults of all time

Words: Jason Wolf
Photo: YouTube/Paramount Movies

These movie characters know how to lay the verbal smack down

Have you ever been on the losing side of an argument and then stewed about it, only to come up with the perfect comeback later? Look to the annals of film history for guidance, as they feature some of the most clever quips, taunts, and takedowns. Few of these quotes are appropriate for the dinner table, but keep them handy in your back pocket in case you ever find yourself in a squabble and need to skewer your opponent with some verbal lashings. Here are just some of the best – or most varied – movie insults of all time.

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Glengarry Glen Ross

© YouTube/reaction flv

“I’d wish you good luck but you wouldn’t know what to do with it if you got it.”


This is perhaps the most useful admonishment on the list, as it’s harshness can vary with how coldly the line is delivered. If you blurt this out to one of your higher-ups, you can play it off as sarcasm and pray they don’t fire you anyway. It’s a short and sweet cut that’s applicable even around the sensitive ears of children. 

a fish called wanda

© YouTube/Max Stirner

“You pompous, stuck-up, snot-nosed, English, giant, twerp, scumbag, f**k-face, dickhead, asshole.”

When one insult just isn’t enough, use what’s truly one of the best pile-on ridicules ever. It has everything from schoolyard jabs to NSFW curses.

There will be blood

Begin at 1:05

© YouTube/Schrödy Brodie

“You’re just the afterbirth, Eli, slithered out on your mother’s filth. They should have put you in glass jar on a mantelpiece.”

What imagery. This invective really paints a picture when you genuinely want to make someone feel worthless. It even brings the mother into it, which earns this colourful gut-punch double points.

closer

© YouTube/Gaaxure

“Thank you. Thank you for your honesty. Now f**k off and die, you f****d up slag.”

Used in the movie Closer as the ultimate break-up line, there’s no going back from this blistering put-down. 

the princess bride

© YouTube/Linkittome

“I’ll explain and I’ll use small words so that you’ll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon.”

Provoke the school bully with the perfect line for mocking someone’s intelligence. These are definitely fighting words, though, so it may help to have a firm grasp on combat skills to pair with the poetic linguistic derision.

 
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Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Begin at 2:15

© YouTube/Beethovenlives

“I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!”

Ah, such sweet-sounding nonsense. Leave it to the kings of absurdist comedy to deliver an affront so hilarious and scolding that they made T-shirts out of it. 

Billy Madison

© YouTube/etemadia

“What you just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

The next time one of your friends or family tells a moving, inspirational story, drop this line on them. Seriously, try it. It will definitely either get a laugh or burn a bridge to a relationship with somebody you probably wouldn’t have enjoyed anyway. 

the women

Begin at 1:50

© YouTube/Veronique Laurent

“There is a name for you ladies, but it isn’t used in high society – outside of a kennel.”

It’s catty, it’s highfalutin, and it makes everybody who hears it know that you’re better than them. Speak this line right before doing a dramatic hair-flip leading into a confident march out the door.

the witches of eastwick

© YouTube/Christa Hahn

“I think – no, I’m positive – that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short time we’ve been together, you have demonstrated every loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered a few new ones. You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you’re morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid; you have no taste; a lousy sense of humour; and you smell. You’re not even interesting enough to make me sick.”

This one will take some practising in the mirror, but it’s worth it if you can stick the landing. It ticks all the boxes and leaves the most vivid pillorying for the final line. What a way to go out.

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

© YouTube/Gráinne McDermott

This is for when all else fails:

“Why don’t you go back to your home on Whore Island!”

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05 2017 the red bulletin

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