Manners matter: When can you break wind in front of your girlfriend?

Relationship etiquette:
When can you start being the ‘real’ you

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We all present the best version of ourselves at the start of a relationship, but how soon can you revert to being less than perfect? 

When first embarking on that voyage into the unknown that is a relationship, the best way to navigate any potential rough waters is to sail as close to perfection as possible. Reveal any quirks, character flaws or embarrassing eccentricities too soon and you’ll quickly find things sinking faster than a lead balloon.

So when is the right time to revert to your usual slightly sloppy self? And are there any absolute deal breakers that we should never do in front of our partners? Thankfully, dating app Sapio asked over 2,000 people precisely that. Here’s what they revealed.

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Time it right

The survey asked respondents about what stage of a relationship is it acceptable to start doing private or gross things in front of a new partner, and some of the results seemed fairly predictable. For example, from the first date to the three-month mark, they thought it was OK to burp in front of a significant other, meet their friends, shower together and talk about exes. Weirdly, though, the respondents also thought this was the normal period of time in which it is fine to masturbate in front of a partner, but urinating in front of them, or urinating with the bathroom door open, was only deemed allowable after at least six months to a year. 

Similarly, the usually virtuous act of kissing a lover when they’re ill was only thought permissible if you’ve been together for between three to six months, but watching erotic movies together or talking about bodily functions gets the green light from day one. And that all important first fart? Any emission before the three-month milestone is a big no-no.

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Guaranteed failure

The survey also asked which acts should never be committed in front of a new partner, again producing some fairly leftfield responses. Causing outrage in 73 percent of respondents, the most heinous deed was deemed to be blowing your nose into the bed sheets (which raises some serious questions about the 27 per-cent of people who consider something so disgusting to be just dandy); 69 percent said it was totally unacceptable to pick your partner’s nose, while only 60 percent rightly considered urinating in the shower together totally revolting.

Other high-scoring taboos included cutting your fingernails in bed, sharing a toothbrush and the frankly bizarre notion of sniffing one another’s armpits. 

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03 2017 The Red Bulletin

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