the rudest named clubs in football

How foul:
the rudest named clubs in football

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AC Milan, Barcelona, Manchester United: why are all the biggest names in football arguably the sport’s most boring? Thank heavens, then, for these rather more colourfully-named clubs

If the funniest football club name you can think of is Botswana’s Naughty Boys or Switzerland’s Young Boys of Bern, perhaps it’s time to expand your knowledge beyond the barely chuckle-worthy.

Here are five of the sport’s most oddly-named teams that won’t be appearing on Match of the Day any time soon.

Just imagine the chants for these clubs…:

  • Club Deportivo Morón
  • FL Fart
  • Semen Padang FC
  • Deportivo Wanka
  • Wankie Colliery FC
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Club Deportivo Morón

Founded in 1947 under the name Club Sportivo Morón, this Argentinian third division side takes its name from the city in which it is based. That’s right: the city of Morón (20 kilometres west of Buenos Aires, if you’re interested).

So if you were to call its players Moróns, its manager a Morón and its supporters all Moróns, technically speaking you’d be correct. Unfortunately, none of them would find this in any way offensive – in Spanish ‘Morón’ simply means ‘hummock’ (a small mound). Maybe we can laugh at the fact that its club emblem is a cock (as in, ahem, a male chicken) instead. 

FL Fart

A perennial yo-yo team of Norwegian football, the men of Fotballaget Fart have spent most of its 82-years bouncing between the country’s fourth and fifth tiers. Thankfully, the residents of Vang, where Fart are based, can take much more pride in its women’s team, which made it all the way to the top division in 2011 (only to be relegated the following year).

Once again, the team won’t find anything remotely amusing about its name, translating as it does to ‘football team speed’. In 2014, FL Fart received five million krone – around £500,000 – from the will of a fan who bequeathed his entire estate to the club. It was an offer they didn’t turn their noses up at.

Semen Padang FC

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One of Indonesia’s best sides, Semen Padang FC takes its name from its owner, PT Semen Padang – the oldest cement company in the country, no less. If you hadn’t already guessed, ‘semen’ is the Indonesian word for ‘cement’.

It is therefore only natural that the club is sponsored by Semen Indonesia, the largest cement producing company in Indonesia, having made 28.4 million tonnes of the stuff in 2015. That’s a lot of semen to spread around.

Deportivo Wanka

Based in the city of Huancayo, high up in the Peruvian Andes, Deportivo Wanka are named in honour of the indigenous Wankas people that used to inhabit the area. This gave rise to the popular fan chant: “Andes where we can see them, you Wankas.”

Disappointingly, in Spanish ‘Wanka’ is pronounced ‘vanka’, and translates from the local dialect as ‘warrior’. This didn’t stop British fans revelling in a rude joke when they saw one, with thousands reportedly ordering the Deportivo Wanka 2003 home shirt when it became available from an online retailer. The club has yet to see the funny side.

Wankie Colliery FC

Sadly, any potential for Wankie Colliery FC to cash in on any demand for its home shirt from japing British fans has passed, now that it’s been renamed Hwange Colliery FC. The oldest club in Zimbabwe, it was founded in 1893 when a local coal miner began kicking a ball-shaped object around with his feet – much to the amazement of those who had never heard or seen of football.

With a proud history of helping to build the railway line around the spectacular Victoria Falls, the largest waterfall in the world, it’s a shame to think that such tawdry linguistic association might have forced the change of name.

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12 2016 The Red Bulletin

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