Love hurts: 8 definite ways to ruin Valentine’s Day
The three-day Christmas marathon with your family is just about tolerable, while any birthdays you’re dragged to by your other half are bearable by standing next to the bar and downing cold ones. But on Valentine’s Day, the fun stops.
Unlike your beloved, you are absolutely clear that the “day of lovers” is only an invention of the flowers and chocolate industry. For you, they are reason enough to boycott all the frills around February 14th. With the following tricks, you are guaranteed to ruin Valentine’s Day and to erase it from the calendar once and for all.
- Invite friends
- Buy a gift in the petrol station
- Talk about your ex
- And more
All that small talk means a couples’ date can get boring pretty quickly. What about bringing a few mates? It’s sure to loosen up the atmosphere and they’re bound to buy extra beers.
Buy a gift in the petrol station
Chocolates, flowers and jewellery? Boring! Surprise the object of your affection with a few useful items as you’re filling up the car. A can of antifreeze, or de-icer for the windscreen in this winter season are more than helpful. And how better to express your love than with an “I love you” bear on a keyring?
Talk about your ex
An absolute turn-off on any date is blathering on about an old flame. Wasn’t last year’s Valentine’s Day with them so much better? Your dinner partner is unlikely to agree.
Cook the absolute wrong food
In theory, cooking a meal at home can send all the right seductive signals - but the reality doesn’t have to. Slurping spaghetti only looks romantic in films, while if there are peas, beans or lentils, your sweetheart is mainly going to be concerned with their digestion. Similarly, mixing plenty of garlic with your food means your date’s amorous mood for the rest of the evening will quickly pass.
Forget to reserve a table
Would your honey bunch rather go out instead of staying at home? No problem. But as you find out as soon as you arrive at the restaurant, you’ve forgotten to make a reservation. Luckily you have a solution, head for the nearest fast food shop. Your partner will love it.
Fake a marriage proposal
Is your other half constantly in your ear to walk down the aisle? Valentine’s Day would be the perfect moment for a request, at least in their eyes. Drop to one knee at dinner and when their eyes widen and they start to grin, you say, “Ah, sweetheart, I just dropped the napkin.”
Let them pay
So far none of your tricks have come off and the romantic dinner is coming to an end. You have one last ace up your sleeve. As soon as the waiter drops the bill, you play the anti-gentleman card and leave your wallet firmly in your pocket. In the age of equality, your date can also pay the bill. Besides, who was the one who really wanted to go out to eat? Not you.
Ignore Valentine’s Day
Admittedly, this is the hardest one, trying to pretend it is just a normal day. You’ll have to stay out of your partner’s way, ignore their hints or arrange to meet up early with your buddies. Besides, maybe your mates are looking for a Valentine’s escape too.