These 2017 blockbuster movies are destined to bomb
Pretty much the entire film slate for 2017 has already been revealed, including a slew of trailers for some of the biggest and most talk-worthy releases. There’s the eighth edition to the Star Wars franchise, the finale of the Fast And Furious franchise, a Guardians Of The Galaxy sequel, another Spider-Man reboot and the big-screen solo debut of Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman. The studios behind these much-anticipated blockbusters are probably hoping movie-goers will flock to cinemas based on gimmicks, nostalgia or casting, but they could flop if their trailers are anything to go by.
Here are the 2017 blockbusters with the most potential to disappoint – and here’s hoping we’re wrong.
Yes it’s a thing, and it looks just as bad as it sounds despite a stellar cast of up-and-comers – including Silicon Valley’s TJ Miller. And you thought At least Angry Birds was based on a video game and not stagnant cartoon flash cards. This is a classic example of Hollywood trying to cash in on a fad or modern trend despite its limitations. Angry Birds has an average of just 47 percent approval on Rotten Tomatoes, which is actually pretty good for a movie based on an app. But The Emoji Movie looks set to be a one-note joke replayed for 90 minutes. We get it, Patrick Stewart is poop.
Coming after a crowdfunded fan movie and some little seen 1990s features that capitalised on the success of the TV series, this year’s official instalment from Lionsgate has little to live up to. That’s a good thing. Equal parts corny, cheesy and campy – like any good Power Rangers movie should be – and with a good serving of self-deprecating comedy à la The Lego Movie, the film will at least appease existing fans. But it’s a little too on the nose to gain a wider audience, with stale and contrived jokes peppered throughout the trailer likely to put off the non-converted.
It’s the live action re-telling of a 1990s classic animated film that inspired the Disney Renaissance of the time, and Walt’s crew and co-conspirators Mandeville will be hoping it does the same this decade off the back of the success of The Jungle Book and Cinderella. But unlike those two cartoon films which were made in 1967 and 1950 respectively, Beauty And The Beast is only 25 years old and holds fresh in the memories of the key movie-going audience. Fellow live-action remakes this decade such as Alice In Wonderland, Maleficent, Snow White And The Huntsman, and The Sorcerer’s Apprentice are all rotten or close to on Rotten Tomatoes, with average ratings between 30 and 52 per cent. We know the story’s good, but can the tone translate?
Yes, another one. With Michael Bay in the director’s chair again, this film is at the very least guaranteed to be visually stunning for its explosions alone. But the formulaic trailer featuring a standard eerie cover of a pop song – this time by The Flaming Lips – combined with authoritative narration by Anthony Hopkins tells you this one is going to be more of the same, but probably not as good. Optimus Prime is back – again – and looking even less like his original cartoon form than ever. Mark Wahlberg is still around, too, and robots are still at war with humans. But now they have a legitimate reason.
From a CGI standpoint, this thing looks to stand tall. But from a plot and story perspective, it looks anything but great. The trailer poses the ominous question of what the Great Wall of China was built to keep out – it turns out it was for monsters, and not a border wall for China to protect itself from Russians or Mongolians. It’s fiction, though, and a movie, so up until this point we’re still onboard. But then it makes clear the wall took 1,700 years to build, suggesting the locals held off said monsters for some 17 centuries without any assistance at all. Combined with Matt Damon heading up visiting US forces with an American accent that didn’t even exist in 1,000 AD, and the contrivances in the trailer alone are enough to avoid forking out hard-earned cash.