sex, places to have sex

The 5 most difficult places to have sex

Words: Josh Rakic
Photos: YouTube/FiftyShades

The bedroom is always the preferred location for love making, but it’s not always the most convenient – good luck trying in these places

As if finding someone willing to rub bellies with you wasn’t already difficult enough, then there’s the location issue too – my place, your place or this right here nightclub bathroom cubicle?

The bedroom might be the preferred place for sex, but it’s not always the most convenient if you and your partner want to capitalise on a moment of lust. We asked the office via email, and here’s our top five most difficult – not to be mistaken with most extreme – places to have sex.

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The back seat of a small car 

There’s barely enough headroom and width in the front seat for two people, let alone a couple in a back seat. Worse yet, the back windows don’t come down, meaning no extra leverage with legs out the side. If circus clowns have taught us anything, it’s that weird things with multiple people can happen inside a Beetle. But it’s hardly an easy task.

The ocean

If you thought getting lucky in a hot tub or a pool was difficult, try getting physical in the ocean – with breaking waves, rip tides, shifting sands and boardriders to deal with. Worse yet, it’s hardly inconspicuous when the waves reveal you and your significant other in a WWE grapple devoid of leotards.

The bathroom of an aeroplane 

The Mile High Club may be considered the ultimate in grappling adventures, but it’s more a mark of flexibility and perseverance than anything else. It’s hard enough to fit solo in even a business class bathroom, let alone economy. Then there’s the hygiene factor and lineup of those annoying cabin walkers constantly tapping on the door.

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Outer space

This one is a challenge that even Viagra can’t overcome. Of course, there’s the whole gravity situation to deal with, but turns out it’s near impossible to get a boner in space – because of said gravity affecting blood flow. Then, if you’re lucky enough to somehow find yourself aroused, plus a fellow staffer who’s consenting, there’s Newton’s Three Laws of Motion and the constant, rapid motion and friction required that simply doesn’t exist.

A spinning tea cup ride

Having relations in its traditional form is impossible on a rollercoaster, but there are other methods that work if Reese Witherspoon’s 1996 film Fear is to be believed. Even the digital method is impossible on what would be considered the most tame of all themepark rides – the spinning tea cups. There’s the dizziness, the speed and then the centrifugal forces that render your hands all but tied as you’re whipped around in a blur of vomit-inducing colours and screams.

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04 2017 THE RED BULLETIN

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