POLE POSITION FOR THE LOSERS
Want an exciting season until the very end? Just get rid of qualifying and let the drivers start in the reverse order of the championship standings. At the first race, a draw would decide the order of the cars.
For an even more thrilling race experience, get the drivers to race in cars that were allotted to them by ballot. Could Lewis Hamilton win in a Sauber? Would Valterri Bottas leave anyone behind in a dominant Mercedes? All questions that could finally be answered for good.
How about adding secret tracks and shortcuts like in that spectacular racing game, Mario Kart? And maybe the drivers should be armed with banana skins right now.
DRIVE, SEX DRIVE
Something that’s been criticised a lot during recent years is the driver’s sinking sex appeal. So let’s add a few rules for the driver’s appearance:
• Everyone must sport a three-day-old beard
• Race suits should be skintight and designed by fashion god Karl Lagerfeld
• A yearly driver’s calendar should be produced with the motto, “Less (clothes) is more (skin)”.
Same rules as equestrian polo, but without horses. Came to life in 1902 in the United States, and died out in 1920 with the last driver and mallet man killed on the field.