Lustiger Raub

The world’s dumbest criminals

Photography: Freeimages.com

They leave their phones behind, have their names printed on their backs, or choose a donkey over a car for their getaway. We proudly present the world’s worst criminals.

WAYNE WADE
Hollywood, Florida


The burglar left his cell phone at his target’s house and called to ask for it back. The detective answered, and you can guess the rest. 

AARON EVANS
Bristol, England


Dumb: If you steal a car that was set up by the police to catch potential thieves. Dumber: If you have your surname and your date of birth tattooed on the side of your neck. 

PETER WELSH and DWAYNE DOOLAN
Beaudesert, Australia


On New Year’s Eve, the pair tunnelled into what they thought was a jewellery store. It was, in fact, a KFC. They robbed it anyway.


LIU HAO
Jilin, China


When you are wanted for murder, you should probably keep a low profile, instead of going on one of China’s most popular TV dating shows. One thing is for sure: Liu Hao did make a lasting impression on the ladies. He was recognized by a viewer and the police arrested him as the key suspect in a murder case that went down 13 years prior.


RUDY VILLANUEVA and TONY LOGAN
Miami, USA


The two alleged gang members taunted the police by posting a video on YouTube, being heavily armed and telling the police: “Here I am baby. … Come get us if you want.” Said and done. The two got arrested and charged with firearms violations.


PAUL ROBERT BENSON
Belfast, Northern Ireland


If you’re going to shoplift, make sure you’re not wearing a replica Manchester United shirt with your name on the back.

KLAUS SCHMIDT
Berlin, Germany


A man storms into a bank, pistol in hand, demanding money - so far, that’s pretty standard behaviour for a bank robbery. When asked if he wanted a bag for the money, it gets bizarre - the robber answered by shouting: “You’re damn right it’s a real gun!” Was he confused? No, he was deaf, making it impossible for him to hear the extremely loud alarm, that was tripped by one of the bank’s employees. Yes, he did end up in jail. 


DARREN KIMPTON
Northampton, UK

As a burglar, you usually target places where the residents are either away or asleep - getting caught red-handed by the police is definitely not on a robber’s bucket list. The house Kimpton attempted to rob had already been broken into - also, he had tried to break into a different house the same night, failing to do so, only suceeding in cutting himself and leaving a trail of blood for the DNA boffs to track. Easy evening’s work for the police. 


COLOMBIAN THIEVES
Juan de Acosta, Colombia

Thinking your getaway through in advance is pretty smart. Choosing a donkey over a - let’s call it a more capable vehicle - isn’t. “Xavi”, a then-year-old donkey, was not only too slow, but also ruined the thieves’ plan by letting out a series of lout noises that attracted the police’s attention.

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09 2015 The Red Bulletin

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