Predicting the 2017 blockbuster films destined to bomb
We’re barely into the beginning of 2017 but already close to the entire film slate for the year, where a slew of trailers for some of the biggest and most talk-worthy films are being revealed. There’s the eighth edition to the Star Wars franchise, the finale of the Fast and Furious franchise, a Guardians of the Galaxy sequel, another Spider-Man reboot and the big screen solo debut of Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman. They count as some of the most highly anticipated films of 2017, and their respective trailers and or publicized story lines justify the expectation. But there are a number of would-be blockbusters studios hoping movie-goers will flock to based on gimmick, nostalgia or casting alone that seem destined to underwhelm if their trailers are anything to go by.
Here are the 2017 blockbusters with the most potential to disappoint. And here’s hoping we’re wrong…
Yeah, it’s a real thing, and it looks just as bad as it sounds despite a stellar cast of up-and-comers including Silicon Valley’s T.J. Miller. And you thought Angry Birds was bad… Well, at least the latter was based on a video game and not stagnant cartoon flash cards that call your keyboard home. It’s a classic case of Hollywood trying to cash in on a fad or modern trend despite its limitations. Angry Birds has an average of just 47 percent approval on Rotten Tomatoes, which is actually pretty good for a movie based on an app. But The Emoji Movie looks set to be a one-note joke replayed for 90 minutes. We get it, Patrick Stewart is poop.
Coming after a crowdfunded fan movie and some little seen 1990s features that capitalized on the success of the TV series, this year’s official installment from Lionsgate has little to live up to. That’s a good thing. Equal parts corny, cheesy and campy - like any good Power Rangers movie should be - and with a good serving of self-deprecating comedy ala The Lego Movie, the film will at least appease existing fans. But it’s a little too on the nose to gain a wider audience, with stale and contrived jokes peppered throughout the trailer likely to put off the non-converted.
It’s the live action re-telling of a 1990s classic animated film that inspired the “Disney Renaissance” of the time, and Walt’s crew and co-conspirators Mandeville will be hoping it does the same this decade off the back of the success of The Jungle Book and Cinderella. But unlike those two cartoon films which were made in 1967 and 1950 respectively, Beauty and the Beast is only 25 years old and holds fresh in the memories of the key movie-going audience. And fellow live action remakes this decade such as Alice in Wonderland, Maleficent, Snow White and The Huntsman, and the Sorcerer’s Apprentice are all rotten or close to on Rotten Tomatoes with average ratings between 30 and 52 per cent. We know the story’s good, but can the tone translate? Especially with a leading lady in Emma Watson who’s not viewed as favorably as during her Harry Potter days.
Yep, another one. With Michael Bay in the director’s chair yet again the film is at the very least guaranteed to be visually stunning with 1000 percent more explosions. But the formulaic trailer featuring a standard eerie cover of a pop song (Flaming Lips), combined with authoritative narration by Anthony Hopkins to set the stakes tells you all you need to know - more of the same, but probably not as good. Optimus Prime is back - again - and looking even less like his original cartoon form than ever. Mark Wahlberg is still around. And robots are still at war with humans. But now they have a legit reason…
From a CGI standpoint this thing looks to stand tall. But from a plot and story perspective it looks anything but great. The trailer poses the ominous question of what the Great Wall of China was built to keep out. Seemingly, monsters. Not a border wall for China to protect itself from Russians, Mongolians and the like. But to protect China from monsters. It’s fiction though, and a movie, so up until this point we’re still onboard. But then it makes clear the wall took 1700 years to build, suggesting the locals held off said monsters for some 17 centuries without any assistance at all. Combined with Matt Damon heading up visiting US forces with an American accent that didn’t even exist in 1000 AD, and the contrivances in the trailer alone are enough to avoid forking out $16.50 of your hard-earned.