5 Ways drones have gone too far and are making you fat
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a drone to fish and you make the man a couch potato. Comedian Arj Barker once joked: “They say fishing is a sport, but I’m pretty sure that one side doesn’t even know they’re playing!” Well, fishing is about to become an eSport courtesy of the new PowerRay submersible drone unveiled ahead of the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas tomorrow. The underwater drone not only lures the fish and hooks it with a precision bait drop function, but films the entire “catch” in 4K for your viewing pleasure once you’ve landed the thing.
Here’s a list of the most obscure uses for drones that are making society lazier than ever.
The wifi-enabled PowerRay’s sonar is said to detect fish as far as 130 feet away and can dive as deep as 100 feet. And anyone motivation-challenged enough to use one only has to have the Prius in the charging station nearest the water to use it - within 200 feet of the drone, where they can get live data and images sent directly to their iOS or Android. Or better yet, use a VR headset and control the drone with a tilt of the head. Thing is though, once that fish is landed it quickly becomes apparent that it’s a genuine real, living, flipping fish - far from virtual. And if you’re unable to catch a fish without the help of an underwater drone, you’re definitely not going to know how to unhook, clean and fillet one. But there’s Task Rabbit for that..
The typically agile (see: sprinting from vicious dogs) UPS, FedEx and USPS employees are about to become couch potatoes if Amazon’s Prime Air drone delivery service comes to fruition full-time. After years of speculation, the company made the first drone delivery in the UK last month as part of a planned 30-minute delivery service, making physical ability all but obsolete. They’ve also been approved a patent for drone-friendly floating warehouses 45,000 feet in the air that would stock products for the drones to collect from. Of course, countless companies have also attempted delivery of everything from burritos to dry-cleaning to grills. The good news is, you can now include playing flight video games to your resume.
Not that riding an ATV is super active, but at last it requires you to be out in the elements. Whereas using a drone to herd your sheep can be done from the comfort of the tractor. It’s one part lazy and three parts genius, ’cause with farmers being taken advantage of more than ever by big supermarkets, sheep-droning a cost-effective way to run the farm with nothing more than two thumbs. Cowboys need not apply.
Lining up for drinks at the bar is the bane of any party-goers existence but atleast it’s an opportunity to stretch the legs. Well, typically. At Marquee in Las Vegas, you don’t even have to leave your friends or even converse with a server to order another bottle - they’ll be delivered by drone if you fork out $20,000 a day in advance. This year marks three years since the first bottles were delivered by drone at the Cosmopolitan.
OK, it’s a comedy sketch - we’re pretty sure - that comes from the same people who brought you sex toy hoverboards and sex toy selfie sticks. But given the reality of the applications above it’s likely not too far from realization. Especially when you consider that the original tuna fishing with a drone video from 12 months ago no doubt helped inspire the PowerRay. And if/when sex toy drones do happen, any physical activity that still remains in your life will be replaced by it. The irony is, you’ll be in such bad shape from the previous drone services that you won’t have any other option but to use a sex toy drone.